Washington Saved Or Created My Job
Several months ago, I went to my bank and declared that I had saved or created a million dollars. For some reason, no one bought it. After all, if the government can declare such a thing – then so can I.
Likewise, I went to the unemployment office today to declare that the government had saved or created my well paying job. Never mind that my manager informed me last week that I was a new member of the "reduction in force" club. Also, that severance I have gotten is really a Christmas bonus in disguise. I know someone from Washington is going to shake me awake from this silly dream of being laid off.
When the Santa bag started to get less full, I knew it was time to go to the unemployment office. The people at the unemployment office were stunned at what I asked them. No one in Washington had called them about my new job opportunity. I expected details about who and where to report. Instead, I was told to wait in line to fill out papers. What? Wasn’t my tax dollars providing this service? In fact, why wasn’t the esc coming to my door to notify me of my new job? The IRS provides front door service, why can’t they?
Not wanting to be fodder for a cop with a taser, I stepped outside to cool off for a while. My phone rang. It was like a voice from heaven. The angel on the phone offered me a job and I gleefully obliged the offer. Umm. Umm. Umm. My job was created after all!
I ran back into the NCESC and cried out like a town-hall protester, "My job was created! I just got a new job!"
I broke the underwhelming silence by adding, "I didn’t even have to fill out your paperwork or wait in any lines! all I did was send out my resume and call some people – and it worked!" "I told you the government saved or created my job."
Oddly, my new employer says they never got a call from the government, either. That seems rather suspect if you ask me. It’s as if the government didn’t have anything at all to do with me getting a new job. If I am not careful, I might start getting selfish thinking I did it all on my own. How pompous of me.
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